Disclaimer: this story is about Sex and God… so if that might offend you, then mosey on by…)
Several weeks ago, I stopped in to have a glass of wine at a place ” Where everyone knows your name”. As I walked in, Rubye greeted me and said, “Sit here Katherine, this is “M’s” first time in!”
So, since the place only has about 6 stools and the same amount of tables, I obeyed orders.
We introduced ourselves when another fellow, an old regular, came in and after hugging Rubye, he was encouraged to sit at the same table as well. I’ll call him “L”. He began to lament to “M” about how his “Traveling Companion” had suddenly become obsessed with her grand children ( imagine that I thought…:)) and was now not quite as available to travel with him as before. The two men began to chat about what they would like, a traveling companion at this stage of life, and even better, said “L” , one who had money to pay her own way! They continued on discussing what they were looking for now in retirement, and health, etc. when a bit later “M” excused himself to go outside and have a cigar. So at this point, “L” looks at me and states, “You look like you might be a good traveling companion”. Being a curious one, and having been wondering about this very subject, seeing it often mentioned on profiles online, Example: ” traveling companion”, long term, short term relationship…,” I had been wondering (not really, I already knew) exactly what this entailed. Just to verify my suspicions, I asked, ” So, exactly what does a traveling companion entail?” To which “L” replied, ” Oh a nice dinner, the finest bottle of wine, you know, treated like a lady, etc. blah, blah, blah…” So I thought, OK, sounds good, and so I asked, for clarification of course, ” Does being a ‘traveling companion’ involve Sex?” to which “L” relied, “Of Course it does!”
Now somewhere along the way he had mentioned that he was a Christian man, Catholic to be exact, 15 siblings… His wife and son had both recently passed away, and he seemed a bit lost…
At this point, although I did sympathize with his plight, i thought alright, the gloves are off!
So I began to tell him how I am recently divorced and have decided to abstain from sex until I remarry. I’ve decided that I will let that be known right up front to anyone who is interested in getting to know me, if I ever do and am that fortunate to meet someone. I feel that getting sexually involved with someone distorts your perception and ability to reason, as well as the fact that the Bible, (and me being a Christian as well) says that we are not to partake in sex until after we are married. Well this really hit a chord with ole “L” and I could see his poor mind spinning…You would have thought that I said something terrible, because he became terribly upset at my decision and statement and began to try and convince me that I was wrong:
L: But God wants us to be happy and to have a good time.
K: Yes, of course He does but when we are married according to the Bible…
L: Well, I was a virgin the first time but now I am not a Virgin and I know God wants us to be happy…
K: Yes, I totally agree but within the confines of marriage, things just get messed up and you can’t think straight once you get sexually involved before…
L: Yes, but God wants us to have a good time and for me, Sex is a way to release tension… and he goes on and on and on…
K: I certainly understand that and know what you mean, but still, If you believe the Bible and take it literally, it does say that you are not supposed to be sexually involved until you are married.
( Now I’m not being judgmental about this to anyone reading this because I didn’t adhere to this on my 2nd go around either)
L: Well, you know, the Bible was written a long time ago and I think it probably got changed over the years in different translations, and being passed down so many times, that really doesn’t apply any longer and God doesn’t believe that way any more, and of he wants us to be happy and have a good time…
K: Well, I totally disagree and I feel that the Bible is EXACTLY the same today as when it was written and that God does still intend for us to carry on the way I said even though society doesn’t adhere to this belief. I think God knew what he was talking about and did inspire the words written in the Bible and did intend for us to obstain until marriage…
I guess ole “L” here is Really!!! perplexed that someone, a woman, of all things would so vehemently disagree and continue to debate this subject with him. I wish you could have seen the look on his face as he continued to try and convince me I was wrong and that I am going to be missing out on a Whole Lot of FUN that GOD intended for me to have
and that I should reconsider my position. I think “L” was probably used to getting his way and being able to convince the female population that a ” nice dinner and best bottle of wine” was certainly all we needed in life to be able to enjoy the pleasures inflicted on us by “L”.
Poor “L” just continued to dig himself into the grave especially with his statement about sex being a way to release tension…I couldn’t help but continue to stand firm. Nice to know that the main thing you are looking for is a stress release. Funny how different men and women are, women seek the emotional connection and for him, it’s not quite that important.
Imagine bearing your soul and giving yourself to someone like this and I believe many women do and for what? A nice bottle of wine and a fine dinner and a trip or two? It saddens me that women don’t realize that hopping into bed with someone and basically giving away their soul, yet in return, what do you get? That phone call the next day that never comes..?.
I find it really sad as well that in order to “get a man” many very strong, capable women give in to sex when they really don’t want to. I think we often think that by giving in, they will like us and want us… We think with our bodies we can catch them, but in reality all we are doing is giving ourselves in hopes that…
It was quite enlightening to me how men just assume – they feed you a nice dinner , wine and take you on a trip and you are supposed to willingly or be obliged to offer your body to them as a stress release or gift for dinner!
I knew that a lot of men, of all ages, just feel entitled to this pleasure but until I had this conversation, with someone so intently trying to convince me otherwise, did I realize how entitled men are.
If I were not so convicted in my beliefs I guess ole “L” could have convinced me I was wrong and I am sure his sales pitch probably has worked on other women in the past. (not that I was even remotely interested in him anyway)
If i were not convicted in my beliefs It may have been easy to agree with his hypothesis as I am sure many women do.
I guess poor “L” didn’t realize that he was sitting with a ‘Fiercely Independent Woman’ who really didn’t need for him to wine and dine her or take her on a trip at his expense. Little did he know that I am able and willing to take myself on a trip whether it be to travel around Europe at 27 alone for a month or 2, or to go on a student tour for 5 weeks at 17 after high school or drive herself from Dallas to Santa Fe alone…or drive all over the state of Texas alone…no “L” I am perfectly capable to go about my business without help from you…thank you…Camera and I can go it alone and have a great time!
No, “L”, I can even go out and have a glass of wine alone, I can go to the movies by myself, I can travel without someone by my side, (not that I wouldn’t love to have someone, but I can and do travel alone)
( This is not to say that my heart doesn’t long for that special person to love and care for,but my life won’t stop if he doesn’t come along…)
No “L”, I won’t be doing any traveling with you!
I guess at this age, I just don’t put up with as much cr.. as I used to, so don’t think you’ll convince me of something I don’t agree with cause you won’t! I don’t discuss politics or religion very often so this was sort of a fun and interesting discussion with this man that thinking back on, always gives me reason to chuckle!
Welcome to the real world Katherine!
A few days after this event happened and still chuckling at the perplexed and distraught look on “L”‘s face, did i hear a conversation on the same subject on my favorite radio talk show, New Life Live, a Christian based counciling show. I turned on the tail end of a discussion where an approximately 50ish year old man called in to say he had met someone “online” and was intending to be Celebate until marriage! He was wondering if this was ok or even normal! WOW I thought … so I am not alone!
I felt like it was a small answer from God, as I have not heard much about this subject and even most Christian women I speak with now, say they will ‘test the waters first.’
I guess it was ok for John Tesh and Connie Selika years back and The Bachelor recently…but I’m guessing about 90-95 % of men would not agree with me…so, I guess finding that special man will be harder but that’s the choice I have
made and I’m ok with it!