It slips up on me almost every year, seems to mesh in with
Christmas, Waverly’s birthday, shopping and just the busyness
of the holidays. Yesterday, at church, as the band began the
interlude into the last song, I realized it was ” I can only Imagine”
by Mercy Me. When I heard the tune starting up I immediately
thought,” oh it must be close to Dec. 21, the day Mommy
died in 2001, just 2 days before her 77th birthday.
This song had just been released and I thought it would
be a pretty song to play at the funeral, in the small stone
chapel in the woods at Restland. “I can only imagine, what
my eyes will see when Jesus is before me… I can only imagine…”
After her cancer ravaged body finally gave up, she rested…
My dear, sweet mother, who never intended to die any place
other than her small condo behind the pink wall, would
have been appalled at what had happened to her body and
mind, and after years of smoking, it finally caught up with her.
But as fate would have it, she fell ill suddenly, and ended up
in assisted living and then about 7 months later, a nursing
home. I took a blank journal book to the nursing home
for anyone visiting to record a word or two of their
visit, memories or her condition – to record the funny
things she said due to dementia, drugs or cancer, to
record the slow progression of death impending upon
her. Towards the end, I would talk about Jesus and
as I would be leaving, she would say, ” I’ll talk to
Jesus later…” Not sure what that meant or if she
really even had the capability to do so, her words
turned into nods and smiles no longer able to
form the words…When 911 happened, the TV
on, all she could do to comment was nod and shake
her head in disbelief. The end was near, her mind was
not able any longer to form words. My mother raised us
with hope and optimism, a “sky is the limit” mentality
for which i shall always be grateful. She taught us
to be “ladylike” always polite, polished, and thankful
In spite of loosing her mother when she was only 7
she was the best mom a child could have and for
that I will always be blessed and grateful. I love you


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